How to Justify Buying a Motorcycle

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There are many pressures in life including your nine to five job, mortgage payments, paying tax, mowing the lawn and remembering what night to put the garbage out. Hell knows how many times I got smacked across the forehead at 5am in the morning when I forgot that one.

At the top of your list there’s one person that needs to be kept happy. The one person you have to get approval from for any choice you make in life. But is the moto ‘Happy wife, happy life’ enough to guarantee permission to purchase all the toys you ever wanted in life?

Sure, some of us can use the ‘I need to buy the bike so I can ride along with the kids and keep an eye on them.’ But that will have its limitations. Eventually you'll become empty nesters and that presents it’s own problems. For example, how do you justify buying yourself a new Playstation when you don’t have any kids? Your better half will argue that why do you want a Playstation when you’ve got nobody to play with? Naturally you’ll say ‘That’s ok. I can play with myself!’ At that moment you realise what you’ve just said and know that any chance of a new game console has become a pipe dream.

In the name of hardcore investigative journalism I decided to embark on a quest of extensive research to find out how to justify buying a motorcycle. Naturally like all professional investigative journalists I went straight to the source and Googled ‘How to justify buying a motorcycle’.

What I found was the lamest bunch of excuses I have ever come across and had me struggling to justify buying another bike for myself. So I thought I’d take what I found and give you a heads up on the response you’re liable to get and /or the pitfalls. In fact I guarantee you can expect it.

Need to relax – Seriously. You’ve got no time to relax until you finish painting the house.

Support a charity – There are plenty of reputable charity rides, like the Snowy Ride that raises money for childhood cancer research, that will earn you heaps of credibility with family and friends especially your better half. Be careful that you don’t inspire those around too much otherwise they’ll come along in support and find out it’s the same beerfest as any other ride.

Save money on fuel – The way you twist that right hand I doubt it.

Easy to find parking - Well that’s a total myth. You just don’t park your motorcycle anywhere.

Takes up less room in the garage - You’ll be clutching straws on this one when you come home with a BMW R1200 GSA.

Costs less to service – The foremention BMW R1200 GSA service invoice must never see the light of day otherwise you’ll be relegated to a ‘80’s Volvo stationwagon.

Safer than a Scooter – Can’t argue with that.

Low environmental impact – This can be argued on so many levels from the amount of fuel consumed (allegedly) to the bikes environmental footprint but all that will go out the window when your animal loving vegetarian girlfriend finds the remnants of skippy hair along the leading edge of your engine bash plate.

The lamest technique I found was when I Googled ‘How To Convince Your Wife to Get a Motorcycle’ was ‘Treat her to a date’. It started, ‘It might help with you convincing your wife if you can take her out on a date first… blah blah blah.’ The author obviously doesn't have a wife or a motorcycle.

One thing that I realised out of all this research is that I have buckleys chance justifying owning six Ténérés.

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